Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso: Episode 20

手と手 – Hand in Hand

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Oh my heart… 。゚( ゚இ‸இ゚)゚。

Do not be fooled by the merry mood that this episode started out in, because in just a span of 20 minutes, it transformed into what was possibly the darkest, most depressing and downright desolating episode KimiUso has seen so far.

Kousei just can’t get a proper break, the poor dear really can’t. Just as he puts himself back on the piano chair and on stage, Kaori gets admitted to the hospital. Now, just as he admits to loving Kaori and has finally decided to woo the girl, her very survival becomes a question. Why must they do this to him?! I think a piece of my heart broke when he saw the cat get hit by the car. And that broken piece was just completely trampled on and obliterated when the vet told Kousei that it did not make it. Kousei’s “arigatou” was beyond heartbreaking (the range of pure emotions that Hanae Natsuki delivered this episode… calling him impressive does not even begin to cover it!) Bad omen? That would be a massive understatement.

Takes a deep breathe, exhales slowly.

There was so much going on this episode. Tsubaki confessed to Kousei in that wayward manner of hers. Kousei admitted to being jealous of Watari. Kousei revealed to Watari that he likes Kaori. Watari in turn revealed that he knew about it. In spite of all that was going on, the focal point of this episode for me, was definitely the phone conversation that Kousei and Kaori shared, while they looked up at the sky that connected them. It was a very sweet moment; a carefree one; and most definitely a meaningful one, not just for Kousei but for Kaori as well. I loved how just a simple phone call from Kaori made Kousei light up with joy, and how a conversation about the most trivial of matters still manages to signify the bond between these kindred spirits. It is little moments like this that shows the closeness between the two characters, which makes Watari and Kaori’s relationship come across as rather forced, unreal and outlandish doesn’t it?

Just seeing the same sky as Kaori makes scenery that is familiar to Kousei look different. Her slightest gesture makes him swing between hope and despair, and his heart plays a melody. What is this feeling? What do they call it? It’s love.

こういう感情をなんて呼んだかな、こういう気持ちをなんて言ったかな、これは多分、「恋」と呼ぶんだ。これはきっと、「恋」って言うんだ。– Kou iu kanjou wo nante yonda kana. Kou iu kimochi wo nante itta kana. Kore wa tabun, “koi” to yobunda. Kore wa kitto, “koi” tte iunda.

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