Senaka Awase no Koi Vol. 1 – Translation

Title: Senaka Awase no Koi Vol. 1 (背中合わせの恋第1巻) (drama review)
Cast: Terashima Takuma x Matsuoka Yoshitsugu (寺島拓篤×松岡禎丞)
Related drama(s): Rakuen no Uta
Contents: Vol. 1

1. Prologue 1
2. Prologue 2
3. 蜜月みたいな
4. 箱の中の無印
5. だけど恋じゃない
6. すりぬけていくもの
7. 偽りだとしても
8. 人はそれを

Vol. 2

1. 人はそれを
2. それは奇跡だから
3. この手の中に
4. だから、何度でも1
5. だから、何度でも2
6. こっちを向いで1
7. こっちを向いで2
8. こっちを向いで3
9. そして、キスして1
10. そして、キスして2

1. Prologue 1

Fumi: In the morning, There will be a shoot for a magazine. In the afternoon, dance lesson on accompanying. After that… (door opens)
Fujisaki, can’t you at least wait till I’m done with my shower?
Ichiya: I can’t wait.
Fumi: Ichiya’s palm starting moving across my back as though he was tracing the outline of my ribs. It’s already meaningless to pretend to resist. My body is getting too used to this touch.
Weren’t you tired?
Ichiya: I feel especially like doing it when I’m tired. Aren’t you like this sometimes too?
Fumi: No I don’t.
Ichiya: It’s fine, I’ll make you feel like doing it soon.
Fumi: Ichiya’s voice was tinged with lust. In this narrow and humid space, that lust invaded my body and I started feeling hot.
Ichiya: What’s this, Nikaidou, looks like you want it too…
Fumi: The words which were mumbled against my neck and the sensation of those wet lips sent a shiver through my body. As long as Ichiya behaves like he wants me, it is actually simple to get me into the mood. Even if I know that it’s just pure lust, as long as you feel that way, I will accept you.
Something like my feelings, it’s irrelevant… Just do what you want, Fujisaki… Isn’t that the contract? I don’t have the right to refuse you…
Ichiya: Well? This here doesn’t seem to be refusing me at all.
Fumi: A man’s body is so inconvenient; the thing which is wrapped in Ichiya’s hand has already taken a form which shows that I’m feeling it. Even though I’m painfully aware that what Ichiya needs is just my body, even so, I feel so wretched for getting turned on by that.
Ichiya: That you’ll enjoy it too… isn’t that what the contract stated, Nikaidou… Anyway, you’re the one who made this hard.
Fumi: That’s right, this is the contract that I’ve decided on.
Ichiya: That was just before the summer holidays of my third year in middle school. I had been interested in nothing but basketball then, but I was forcibly brought by my tyrannical sister to the MBO idol trainee auditions.
Female Staff: So let us begin the dance auditions. Let the senpais dance once as an example first. After that, please follow and perform the same thing.
Ichiya: Of all things, I couldn’t believe in myself for being fascinated by men dancing. That sort of feeling doesn’t even come when I watch American professional basketball play. “I will never be able to dance something like that properly” the venue was filled with such sentiments. Then…
Fumi: Quickly, let’s do it!
Ichiya: I met you. “The ugly duckling” was what my sister called you, you who were still in your second year of middle school.
Shion: Hey Ichiya, ever since we got into MBO, Nikaidou is the only who hasn’t been exposed to media yet, right?
Ichiya: Huh? Yea, you’re talking about Nikaidou Fumi? Well, with that looks, you won’t be able to show him anywhere. Besides that, Shion, have you mastered the dance choreography for the next lesson?
Shion: There’s no way I could do that, I wonder if I would be ready for the real thing 2 weeks later. Has Ichiya learned it already?
Ichiya: No way. I’m so nervous right now.
Shion: If it’s Nikaidou, he would be able to do it immediately.
Ichiya: You’re right. Oh, then… (Ichiya walks over to Nikaidou) hey can I ask for a favor?
Fumi: What?
Ichiya: I was wondering if you could teach us how to dance… will you?
Fumi: It’s fine…
Ichiya: That was the first words we exchanged with each other, Fumi.
Fumi: When I was 14, I was forced to stop the ballet which I’ve been learning since I was 3. It was due to a small fracture which doesn’t impede my daily life, but for someone aiming to become a professional dancer, it was fatal. Everything was over. As my life has always been centered on ballet, to have a body which couldn’t dance was equivalent to living as a doll with just a heart that beats. Even though that was how it was, I still want to dance! My body longed for a chance to leap, a place of my own. I was alone at the living room gazing at the TV screen…
They’re dancing… M…B… O?
The rare trainee audition, it might have been fate. Ichiya, it was so that we could meet.

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2. Prologue 2

Ichiya: Because of you, I got praised by the teacher yesterday, that Shion and I were the only good ones. Thank you.
Fumi: I see, I’m glad.
Ichiya: (Ichiya sighs) Say, why are you always talking in that tone?
Fumi: Huh?
Ichiya: You’re really good at dancing and I’m grateful that you taught us. But, your tone makes me feel like I’m being looked down on.
Fumi: I-I’m sorry… I didn’t mean it…
Ichiya: No, I mean… it’s not like I wanted you to apologise or anything.
Fumi: I’m not really good at dealing with people so… if I made you feel bad… er…. I’m sorry.
Ichiya: The downcast Fumito who’s biting his lips, the shadow of your eyelashes was trembling. I couldn’t leave you alone.
Fumi: It must have been that time, Ichiya, when you approached me even though I have been distanced from everyone else. That’s why I… in exchange for the dream I let go, I created with my hands – you.
Fu-fujisaki…
Ichiya: Huh?
Those eyes sucked me in, I didn’t want to run away anymore.
Fumi: If we really get into the same group, I’ll work even harder. That’s why…
Ichiya: Nikaidou?
Fumi: That’s why, do you think we can get to the top?
Ichiya: Something like, of course we can. When you aim, you have to aim to be at the top!
Fumi: Yea! I’m really going to work hard!
Ichiya: That’s right. We’re going to the top, right?
Fumi: Yea!
There’s no need for me to wander around aimlessly in a dark forest as though I’ve lost my compass, that’s what I thought. As long as I can aim for the same place as you, I can keep running at full speed. That’s what I believed in.
Fumi: While I surrendered myself to Ichiya’s movements, I sunk my fingernails into his shoulders. My knees are trembling…
Ichiya: Does it feel good, Nikaidou?
Fumi: Don’t you know without asking?
The feeling of Ichiya’s finger slowly entering the insides of my body, I felt it with my entire body.
Ichiya: Amazing, it’s so wet. Put your hands there.
Fumi: Because of the contract, we’ve done this countless times under mutual consent. The finger got pulled out smoothly and something even warmer entered.
Ichiya: Nikaidou… Nikaidou…
Fumi: A long as we maintain this, the contract will be in place and we can stay together.
Ichiya: Does it feel good?
Fumi: It feels… good.
The only words I can cry out are those words. These are the only words I can tell you.
Fujisaki…
Ichiya: Nikaidou…
Fumi: Your business is over. That’s all it was, wasn’t it? Fujisaki…. Back then, I would have never imagined that this room and this bathroom would be used for something like that. It’s the same for you too right? To quarrel over our differences, to laugh together, fight over things and make up before laughing again together. Am I an idiot? Thinking about this now, what’s the point of remembering that? Even though I’m fully aware that we will never go back to that time. Ichiya…

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3. Like a Honeymoon (蜜月みたいな)

Fumi: (Sounds of Ichiya playing game) Ichiya, just go home already. How many days are you intending to stay here for?
Ichiya: You’re saying something like that, but if I were to go home, you’ll be lonely and start to cry right?
Fumi: Ichiya… I’m serious. Go home.
Ichiya: Oh that’s right, (Ichiya pauses game and gives Nikaidou a package) Fumi, this is for you.
Fumi: What’s that?
Ichiya: This is a present from me, congratulations on moving!
Fumi: Huh? This is an ear stud?
Ichiya: Doesn’t it look good? It suits Fumi so much that I bought it on impulse!
Fumi: Even though my ears aren’t pierced?
It was a pair of tiny silver crosses with red ruby mounted on them.
Ichiya: If you’re really afraid of it, then just one ear, try it! After all, I bought this for you.
Fumi: Ah… are you seriously doing it? I’m really afraid of pain…
Ichiya: I’m doing it, come on, I’ll sterilise it first.
Fumi: Even when I’m taking jabs, I hate the sterilisation part most. I hate this smell too… Huh?! You’re doing it already?!
Ichiya: Yep, it will just tingle a little… Bear with it…
Fumi: What character are you getting into now?!
Ichiya: (Ichiya laughs) Fumi, you’re getting way too scared of this.
Fumi: I can’t help it! It’s scary!
Ichiya: Hm guess it can’t be helped (Ichiya kisses Nikaidou suddenly and pierces his ear while he froze in shock)
Fumi: Ouch!
Ichiya: See, it’s done. Wasn’t that easy?
Fumi: Ichi… you… what did you just do?!
Ichiya: I helped you pierce your ears?
Fumi: No, before that!
Ichiya: Huh? Oh, anesthesia? (Nikaidou scrubs his lips) You don’t have to rub it that furiously… Fumi, isn’t that rude towards me?
Fumi: Idiot! You’re the one who was rude! I… that was my first kiss!
Ichiya: (Ichiya laughs) I bet you were so surprised that it didn’t hurt at all.
Fumi: It hurt! It totally hurt!
Ichiya: What? So I kissed you for nothing huh?
Fumi: Don’t joke around!
Shion: Ichiya, Nikaidou, we’ve been called to the president’s office.
Fumi: Good morning, Yotsuya.
Mitsuhiko: Ah, it’s Fu-chan! It has been such a long time!
Gorou: Fumito, haven’t you gotten thinner again?
Fumi: I don’t think so, Gorou… I’ve been eating properly too…
Ichiya: Oi, let’s get going.
Nagisa: I think you guys are already aware of it, but the five of you will be forming a group. You won’t be doing a CD debut yet, but you will be moving around as members more often from now on. And what’s this, aren’t you happy?
Gorou: No but, Nagisa-san you said all that so matter-of-factly that…
Nagisa: It has already been decided on so there’s no point beating around the bush right? We’ve made Gorou and Mitsuhiko wait for quite a while, I’m really sorry about that! People didn’t gather like we thought they would…
Fumi: Gather? What’s that about?
Nagisa: The numbers, I’m talking about the numbers! Haven’t you realised? We were saved when Fumito came in! We were missing out on the two!
Ichiya: Missing out?
Shion: Ichiya… (Ichi = one)
Ichiya: Nikaidou… (Ni = two)
Gorou: Mitsuhiko… (Mitsu = three)
Fumi: Yotsuya… (Yotsu = four)
Mitsuhiko: Gorou! (Go = five) Wow, it’s true! We have the numbers in everyone’s names! (Mitsuhiko laughs and claps) It’s amazing!
Nagisa: Wait a minute, do you have a problem with my decision?
Shion: It’s not like we have a problem, but it’s just very Nagisa-san-like.
Nagisa: So moving on, let me announce the group name! It will be… Numero!
Shion: N-nu?
Nagisa: N-U-M-E-R-O, Numero! In English that would mean numbers… but since it would be too boring, we made it in latin! How’s that? Impactful isn’t it?
Mitsuhiko: Impact…
Everyone: Too much of that…
Nagisa: So, even though it’s a bit sudden, shall we do some self-introductions?
Ichiya: Isn’t that uncalled for?
Gorou: Wait, if we’re going to be in the same group, I need you guys to understand something.
Ichiya: What’s that, Ikeda, being so formal…
Gorou: Nagisa-san already knows but, I’m going out with Mitsuhiko. So I hope you are all okay with that.
Ichiya: Oh, going out… huh?! What’s that?! Are you serious?
Mitsuhiko: Huh? Gorou… are you really telling them that?
Gorou: Since we’re going to be together a lot from now on, it won’t be good if we were to hide it right?
Mitsuhiko: Hm… is that how that will be?
Ichiya: Hey, how that will be…
Fumi: It’s fine, I’ve been wondering whether that’s the relationship between the two of you anyway.
Ichiya: Fu-fumi?!
Shion: Me too, I don’t see anything abnormal with that too.
Ichiya: Huh?! Even Shion, what are you saying!
Fumi: Anyway what is Ichiya panicking over?
Ichiya: Anyone would panick!
Fumi: Even though you kissed me, is that how you react when it’s about someone else?
Nagisa: Oh dear, has the two of you become an item without my knowledge?
Ichiya: No no, we haven’t! Fumi! Why are you saying something like that in this situation?
Fumi: That’s because you were being so annoying! So which is it, will you acknowledge their relationship or will you not?
Ichiya: I get it, I acknowledge it.
Mitsuhiko: Yay! Ik-kun, thank you!
Ichiya: Ik-kun?!
Ichiya: So… Well… to celebrate the formation of our group, cheers!
Fumi: Why is Ichiya at my house again?
Ichiya: It’s fine it’s fine… Say, Fumi, when did you start noticing that about that two?
Fumi: Why are you so conscious of that matter?
Ichiya: B-because, they… they are both guys. Fumi too, don’t you find it weird?
Fumi: Not really. As I’ve said just now, Ichiya kissed me before too, so why are you so stubborn when it comes to them?
Ichiya: N-no… The-the two of them isn’t doing something like a meaningless kiss right?
Fumi: Meaningless… So Ichiya would do that to just about anyone?
Ichiya: No that’s not what I meant, aren’t we talking about Ikeda and Mitsuhiko now?
Fumi: I’m fine with their relationship, so all that’s left is Ichiya.
Ichiya: The people I’ve went out with were obviously females, isn’t that the norm? But, why? That Fumi… it can’t be, right?

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4. Unbranded Box (箱の中の無印)

Ichiya: Fumi, are you free tomorrow evening? There are some clothes I would like to buy and I want you to come with me.
Fumi: Well, I’m fine. Where should we meet?
Fumi: What’s the meaning of this?
Ichiya: Ah, Fumi!
Fumi: There are 1 guy and 3 girls wearing the same school uniforms as Ichiya standing around him.
Ichiya: This is Nikaidou Fumi. He’s one year younger than us but he’s in the same group as me, so we’ll be counting on your support!
Fumi: Wait, what’s this about?
This is the only other time I felt the world turning colourless, besides the time when I found out about the fracture.
Ichiya: It will be fine, these guys are really friendly.
Fumi: I don’t really remember what happened after. My first partner was Ichiya’s female friend. If that’s what you call pleasure, then I’m better off dancing; that was all I remember feeling. That was the level of my first experience. Because that’s what Ichiya wanted, I went according to his wishes. That’s why, it wasn’t wrong. (Fumi vomits) Even after the feeling of wanting to vomit disappeared, I still felt horrible. There’s nothing worse than being hurt from having sex with a woman. Even though nothing will come out of realising it. (Phone rings)
Huh? Ichiya…
“How was it” he asks… What an idiot. If Ichiya didn’t do something so unnecessary like this, I might have settled these feelings as a misunderstanding.
Ichiya… I love you.
I murmured the words which I will never be able to get through to Ichiya while I lay on the bed alone.
Shion: I’ll go to the studio first
Gorou: Ichiya, your shoot is first too. Don’t dawdle too much.
Ichiya: Okay. (Door shuts) What’s with you, why didn’t you reply my text? Was it too good to be described with words?
Fumi: Don’t ask me for every detail like that.
Ichiya: Huh? So Fumi-kun is feeling shy about it, I see I see! Brother is feeling happy seeing you growing up~
Fumi: Shut up, just go to the studio already.
Ichiya: What’s that, you don’t have to get that embarrassed. (Ichiya gets into the studio and Fumi sighs)
Mitsuhiko: Fu-chan!
Fumi: Mi-chan…
Mitsuhiko: Fu-chan, it’s okay to cry when you’re feeling awful.
Fumi: Mi-chan… I… am not feeling awful.
Mitsuhiko: Hm… then it’s fine. Fu-chan, just keep in mind that we are always on your side, okay?
Fumi: Yea, thank you Mi-chan. Let’s go to the studio!
Mitsuhiko: Okay!
Ichiya: It’s also possible with a guy… right?
Fumi: Wha… what?!
“Ambiguous”, a special bar for MBO staff or people who were introduced by MBO, so the customers here are mostly people of the entertainment industry. There is only one rule to be abided by in this bar, to not say anything ambiguous in here. It seems like this rule has never been broken before.
What… Ichiya? Did you find a guy whom you like?
Ichiya: No, but when I look at Shin-san, I start thinking that there’s no need to make such a distinction… or something like that. But, how will it be like with a guy? Will it actually feel good?
Fumi: Something like that… I wouldn’t know.
Ichiya: Even though there’s no way you can go out with a guy, the Ichiya who seems to be willingly getting closer to Shin-san might even seem like a gay.
Fumi: Ichiya, I’m going to the toilet.
Ichiya: Fumi, are you feeling alright these days? You’re always going to the toilet after you eat…
Fumi: Just coincidences, I’m feeling totally fine!

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5. But That’s Not Love (だけど恋じゃない)

Fumi: I returned to the room alone and collapsed onto my bed. I’m begging you already, just stop being so kind to me. Even if I try to suppress it, the feelings which I’ve sealed deep in my heart revive at times like this.
Don’t come out. If you come out, it will be over.
When I bite hard on my lips, the rusty taste of iron oozed onto my tongue. I’m already past my limits. But, I had wanted to see your smile from your side forever.
Ichiya: When I heard that Fumito got a girlfriend, I was relieved. I’m the one who understands him the most, I bounded those feelings like that.
(Fumi collapses)
Ichiya: Fumi! (Sirens of ambulance)
That’s why, it was too late when I realised it.
Ichiya: Say, what was that just now? When you said that his collapse was my fault.
Fumi: No that’s not…
Nagisa: It’s not wrong. Fumito, just come clean with it. At this rate, I’m sure you’re well aware that your body won’t be able to sustain. If you have any intention of continuing work, use this chance well.
Fumi: Nagisa-san…
Ichiya: Fumito hung his head in shame while clutching tightly onto the sheets and biting his lips.
Nagisa: Ichiya, have a proper talk with Fumito. (Nagisa leaves room)
Ichiya: That it’s my fault, what is?
Fumi: It’s not Ichiya’s fault, it’s just that I couldn’t control myself properly that’s all…
Ichiya: So the reason behind why you couldn’t control yourself properly, is me right?
Fumi: Did today’s work go well?
Ichiya: Leave that to later!
Fumi: I’m sorry. Even if someone like me isn’t around, I’m sure things will still be fine.
Ichiya: It was totally not fine, because you weren’t around, it was a terrible mess. That’s why, don’t keep everything to yourself! Aren’t we on the same side?
Fumi: No that’s wrong, Ichiya is not on my side…
Ichiya: What? That we aren’t on the same side, what’s that? Fumi! Tell me what you mean!
Fumi: I like you!
Ichiya: What’s that?
Fumi: I knew that I had to hide that but…
Ichiya: Huh? That’s a lie… right?
Fumi: Don’t be that surprised. Well, I feel so relieved.
Ichiya: Relieved… you?
Fumi: Geez, Ichiya you’re so easily understood.
Ichiya: Huh?
Fumi: Your feelings are all reflected on your face. It’s fine, I understand. You really like women right?
Ichiya: Fu…mi? Huh? Fumi? I thought you got a girlfriend?
Fumi: That was obviously a lie. When you told me to go along with your flow, I was wondering what I should do. I knew it, you would find something like this disgusting right? Will you not want to be in the same group as me anymore?
Ichiya: No way! I don’t feel that way, but… I’m sorry. I’ve never saw Fumi in that way before, so…
Fumi: Yea, I know.
Ichiya: I really treasure Fumi… I’ve never thought of standing at the top with any guy other than you…
Fumi: Yea, me too.
Ichiya: But… it’s not love in the romantic sense.
Fumi: I’m really sorry, but I’ll do it properly.
Ichiya: Get well soon.
Fumi: Yea, Ichiya should forget about it as well.
Ichiya: I understand.
Ichiya: Nachi, your phone is ringing again.
Nachi: Oh, it’s fine. Just ignore it. It’s really irritating, he should be working more seriously.
Ichiya: I met Nachi during winter last year. To be more exact, it was before Nachi became the lover of Shin-san, the vocalist of KIX who has been calling Nachi since just now. I thought it was really strange that someone of Shin-san’s level who could have any girl in the world would choose Nachi, and got interested in this matter.
Nachi: Right now, Ichiya’s more important than Shin.
Ichiya: One of the members of my group… confessed to me.
Nachi: What? By member you mean… a guy?
Ichiya: Of course, we’re from the same company.
Nachi: Did you refuse, Ichiya?
Ichiya: So that’s what Nachi thinks?
Nachi: That’s because, Ichiya really likes women.
Ichiya: That’s… right but… (Ichiya sighs)
Nachi: What, did you two have a fight?
Ichiya: Nope, I rejected him and thought I should distance myself from him.
Nachi: After that?
Ichiya: It’s normal now. Normal… it’s not like things got awkward between us…
We consciously changed the way we address each other and because we were functioning as members of a group, it seemed as though nothing happened before.
Nachi: What’s that, then shouldn’t you feel glad?
Ichiya: Feel glad… I guess.
Nachi: What kind of person is he, the member who confessed to you.
Ichiya: Ugly duckling.
Nachi: Huh?
Ichiya: There’s a story about the ugly duckling right? Something like that.
Nachi: But if he’s a member, that means he’s an idol right? Can someone like that get through MBO’s auditions?
Ichiya: Yea, he passed it. After that, he worked really hard and became a swan. He’s really something, if you practice dance with him, you’ll never feel like stopping and…
What am I saying?
Nachi: (Nachi laughs) Ichiya, if you’re really that fond of him, won’t it be alright if you just told him okay for now?
Ichiya: Wha… I can’t do something that half-hearted to Fumi!
Nachi: Heh… seems like you’re really treasuring him… this Fumi guy.
Ichiya: That’s… because he’s someone like my little brother.
Nachi: Isn’t that something like “love”?
Ichiya: No way, I can’t imagine having sex with him.
Nachi: Se?! Don’t put it in such a crude way! (Nachi drinks from his glass) If that’s the case then I guess it’s impossible.
Ichiya: Right?
Nachi: I would want both his heart and body.
Ichiya: Huh? Aren’t you the one who’s being too blunt here?
Nachi: I just want to ask you something, Ichiya probably wants him to have a proper romance with a woman. But if that guy gets into a relationship with another guy, what will you do?
Ichiya: G-guy?!
Nachi: So you’ve never thought of it. You’re thinking that he can’t fall in love with another man besides you.
Ichiya: I was shocked by Nachi’s words and how he saw through to my arrogance, I couldn’t rebut his statement. There’s no way I could rebut that.
Nachi: Oh it’s bad, I have to go back soon. See you, Ichiya. Oh, by the way…
Ichiya: Huh? You’re going already?
Nachi: (Nachi laughs) Ichiya, I’ve been thinking but…
Ichiya: Huh what is?
Nachi: At first, I didn’t consciously think of Shin as “ah, so this is love” too. I actually thought it was the exact opposite. But that guy has already become my special person.
Ichiya: Special… person…
Nachi: Whether he is a guy or whatever, frankly speaking, it became irrelevant. It would be great if Ichiya could find someone like that soon. Then, see you. (Nachi leaves)
Ichiya: (Ichiya sighs) Somehow, everything is so confusing.

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6. The One Who Slipped Through (すりぬけていくもの)

Fumi: (Fumi knocks on door) Excuse me (Fumi enters room) the matter you want to talk to me about…
Nagisa: Actually, Fumi has gotten a drama offer.
Fumi: Drama?
Nagisa: That’s right, “please get Fumito in it” I was told.
Fumi: “Get Fumito in”…
Ichiya: About that drama, what role will you be playing?
Fumi: Why?
Ichiya: Huh? Oh… just curious about it. It can’t be that it hasn’t been decided on right?
Fumi: The role of a youth…
Ichiya: That… isn’t telling me a lot…
I didn’t overlook it, Fumito was biting his lips.
You… what are you hiding from me?
Fumi: It’s nothing, it’s not like I’m hiding it from you.
The role is a young male prostitute. He meets a married doctor, who has been happily in love with his wife during the 3 years of their marriage. In the midst of lecturing the youth, their relationship slowly changes to that of love.
Ichiya: Then, tell me. What kind of role are you playing? (Fumi maintains his silence) Is it something you can’t tell me?
Fumi: It’s the role of a prostitute. And also, I’ll be playing a male lover.
Ichiya: What? Wa… wait! Nikaidou, what’s with that role? Don’t tell me, you accepted it?
Fumi: Is it bad if I accepted it?
Ichiya: You should know it! About how great an influence the role has… I’ll reject it for you!
Fumi: Fujisaki, you’re wrong. Nagisa-san gave me a choice. The one who made that choice was me, I chose it by myself.
Ichiya: Don’t joke with me, Nikaidou.
Fumi: I’m not joking. In the first place, we’re not in any position to be choosing our jobs.
Ichiya: In this case you were the one who chose it!
Fumi: Top…
Ichiya: Huh?
Fumi: Weren’t we supposed to get to the top? This drama would probably be popular. Putting its contents aside, isn’t this a chance to publicise my name?
Ichiya: Even so…
Fumi: Anyway, the image that comes along with the role won’t necessarily stick with me. I’m sure Fujisaki understands this better than anyone else. It’s up to you to have your opinions about this, but I won’t give it up. (Fumi walks to the door) Or perhaps you’re jealous that I might be getting more popular than you?
Ichiya: You ass… (Fumi leaves room) Something like a prostitute, there’s no way that would suit you… Fumi!
Fumi: Usually I would have consulted Ichiya about everything. But from now on, I’ll make my decisions alone. That’s what our new relationship is about, that’s why I couldn’t understand why you got so worked up.
Ichiya: After Fumito’s drama role got confirmed, Numero’s name was even more widely publicised by the media. The number of fans increased due to that. Even though that was what we wanted… (Ichiya flops down)
I’m so tired.
Shin: Ichiya? What are you doing?
Ichiya: Shin-san? G-good morning! Shin-san too, why are you so early?
Shin: (Shin buys 2 drinks from the vending machine) For you.
Ichiya: Huh? T-thank you!
Shin: I have a shoot. Anyway you, (Shin takes a gulp) don’t you look kind of pale?
Ichiya: Is that so?
Shin: Che, I knew it, so troublesome.
Ichiya: Huh?
Shin: Nachi kept bugging me about how he met up with you and you seemed strange. So? Is something wrong with you?
Ichiya: What?
Shin: If I think about it, I don’t even know how you are like normally.
Ichiya: I don’t think I’m being strange…
Shin: I see. Then let’s just leave it at that. (Shin starts to leave)
Ichiya: Wait…
Shin: What?
Ichiya: Er… how does Shin-san deal with people who chase after you?
Shin: Huh? What’s this? So something did happen to you?
Ichiya: No, it’s not… it’s for future reference…
Shin: For future reference… how cocky. I don’t have situations like that.
Ichiya: I guessed so…
Shin: If there was someone like that I would like to know about it. (Ichiya laughs embarrassedly) Well, I think it would be good to vent your frustrations out in some way.
Ichiya: Vent?
Shin: With a girl or something. Don’t you have a girlfriend?
Ichiya: So that’s what you’re getting at. If Nachi was here he would have punched you for saying something like that.
Shin: Wha, we’re not talking about me. Currently there’s only Nachi for me.
Ichiya: Girl… huh?
Shin: Well it’s fine even if it’s with a guy.
Ichiya: I think it would be impossible.
Shin: So you’re the type who’s particular about that? Anyway, you have to let it out time to time, if not you won’t be able to last.
Ichiya: I’ll be careful. Thank you for the coffee.
Shin: See you. (Shin walks off)
Ichiya: Let it out… But by looking at Shin-san, I can understand that it will be troublesome. As my conversations with Fumito become shorter, the time I spent thinking about him becomes longer. Even though I want to protect that Fumito, who likes pushing himself too much, I can’t even be by his side. This dilemma of only being able to watch over him might have become the source of stress for me.

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7. Even It It Was A Lie (偽りだとしても)

Serizawa: Nikaidou-kun? If you’re free, how about coffee with me?
Fumi: Serizawa Ryousuke-san? Huh?
Serizawa: Shall we go to the lounge downstairs?
Fumi: Ah…
Serizawa: Weren’t you hoping for someone to point out the way for you?   About what you did today.
Fumi: I’m really sorry about it.
Serizawa: Could it be that Nikaidou-kun was nervous?
Fumi: That is… because I heard that Serizawa-san studied acting in America…
Serizawa: Ahah… Something like that, I was just running away from Japan.
Fumi: Running away?
Serizawa: I was actually an idol in Japan for a short period of time.
Fumi: Oh… is that true? Nobody said anything about that before…
Serizawa: Well, I only appeared a bit on TV… And I didn’t do that well anyway. Maybe they were just being tactful about it. That’s why I can sort of sympathise with Nikaidou’s situation now. Say, wouldn’t it be fine even if you don’t work so hard? I don’t think anyone is expecting much from an idol with no experience in acting. (Serizawa laughs) You didn’t have to glare so hard at me.
Fumi: I’m sorry.
Serizawa: Even though you’re always smiling, your will is pretty strong huh? Seems like you really hate losing.
Fumi: I’ll practice more for the next time. Please excuse me. (Fumi stands up)
Serizawa: Because you’re acting on top of acting, it seems very fake. It’s impossible for a newcomer like you to use such a high level skill. And it might help if you curb your habit of biting on your lower lip when you’re tolerating something. You shouldn’t exhibit your weaknesses like that, we’re in such a world after all.
Fumi: Such a habit… I…
Serizawa: If you’re going to be acting, you should know your own habits better. That’s why, do you have any intentions of leaving yourself to me? If you’re interested, contact me.
Fumi: Huh?
(Fumi enters room)
Ichiya: Huh? You’re worked hard.
Fumi: Uh?! Fujisaki… you were in here?
Ichiya: Nikaidou, you’ve grown thinner again. Your bones are sticking out from your back. Have you been eating properly? I heard that you collapsed during the filming of your drama. This time, you are alone…
Fumi: I’m eating properly. Stop staring like that, pervert.
Ichiya: Per…vert… Say, I’m used to seeing your body.
Fumi: I’ll get going already, see you around.
Ichiya: Is someone coming to get you?
Fumi: Yea soon, so I’ll wait at the entrance.
Ichiya: If that’s so, then just rest here for as long as you can. If I’m a bother, I’ll leave.
Fumi: There’s no way that you’ll be a… Does Fujisaki have work after this?
Ichiya: No I don’t.
Fumi: Then why… (Fumi whispers the rest) did you remain here…
Ichiya: Huh?
Fumi: No it’s nothing, by the way…
Ichiya: What?
Fumi: Do I have this habit of biting on my lips?
Ichiya: You… who told you that?! (Ichiya steps towards Fumi) Someone told you that right?
Fumi: What, why are you making such a fierce face… If I don’t then it’s okay.
Ichiya: It’s not okay!
Fumi: What’s… that…
Ichiya: You shouldn’t get any closer to that person anymore, do you understand?
Fumi: Why… why must I listen to Fujisaki?
Ichiya: You’re too defenseless! Always being so nice and pleasant to everyone…
Fumi: Defenseless… I don’t get it! I’m a guy!
Ichiya: There are guys out there who are okay with guys!
Fumi: Aren’t you an idiot?! (Fumi snorts) If there are such people out there, then isn’t that convenient? It’s not like I’m a girl, there’s no worries about getting preg… (Ichiya slaps Fumi)
Ichiya: Nikaidou… you better don’t joke like this…
Fumi: I’m not joking… something like sex, does it matter who you do it with?
Weren’t you the one who taught me that?
(Fumi opens the door) I’m leaving. (Door shuts after Fumi)
Ichiya: Nikaidou…
Serizawa: (Spoken over the phone) So do you feel like leaving yourself in my care now?
Fumi: That’s… what do you mean by leaving myself in your care?
Serizawa: What I mean? Simply put, I mean let’s be lovers
Fumi: Lo…vers… Lovers?!
Serizawa: (Serizawa laughs) I’m sorry, if I say that, there will be misunderstandings. By that I mean let’s be pretend lovers. Well, the drama is the real thing and this would be the rehearsal for that. Do you get it?
Fumi: In other words, you want us to pretend to be go out?
Serizawa: That’s right, just take it as the emergency measures for our drama.
Fumi: But won’t that result in weird rumors…
Serizawa: If that’s going to make us into a hot topic, then isn’t it fine? It’s not like we’re really in love or anything, huh? Could it be that Nikaidou is already going out with someone?
Fumi: Not really… but…
Serizawa: Or do you have someone you’re in love with? In that case, it will be bad if we get misunderstood…
Fumi: No! It will be fine.
Serizawa: Really?
Fumi: Yes! I’ll be counting on you. (Fumi hangs up)
Fake relationship… huh? I’ll keep quiet about it.
Fumi: It’s bad, Serizawa-san will be coming for me in another 20 minutes!
Shion: Somehow, today’s magazine shoot is really dragging on.
Fumi: Huh? What? Did Shion just say something?
Shion: Hm? Somehow Nikaidou seems rather restless today…
Fumi: Eh? No… nothing of that sort…
Shion: No something seems suspicious, aren’t you hiding something?
Serizawa: Oh this atmosphere! How nostalgic!
Shion: Huh? Doesn’t it seem lively?
Fumi: Hm? Se…Serizawa-san!
Serizawa: Oh, hello everyone!
Female Staff 1: Ah! Oh my, why is Serizawa Ryousuke here?
Shion: Wait a minute, Nikaidou… this is…
Female Staff 2: What should we do? He’s coming over here!
Serizawa: Ah there you are, hi~
Shion: Huh, that wink just now… Don’t tell me it’s directed at Nikaidou-kun?
Fumi: Ah… hello… the shoot will be ending late today…
Serizawa: Yea it seems so.
Female Staff 1: Ah, I see. Nikaidou and Serizawa-san are co-starring in a drama right?
Female Staff 2: But why did Serizawa-san come here today? Filming here after this… no it can’t be.
Serizawa: No way, idol magazines will no longer publish photos of someone like me! I’ve come to get my lover today.
Fumi: Wha? Ah! Wait, Serizawa-san!
Female Staff 1: Lover?! We don’t have many female staff here today…
Female Staff 2: Is the much talked-about lover of Serizawa Ryousuke here today?
Serizawa: Isn’t that right, Fumi?
Mitsuhiko: Fumi…
Female Staff 1: Eh? What?! Were you talking about Nikaidou-kun?
Female Staff 2: That… what do you… Oh, you were talking about the drama? I see…
Fumi: Serizawa-san… You said “Fumi”…
Serizawa: Because if I call you “Nikaidou”, it just feels weird… Anyway we’re already “lovers”, so it won’t be weird to call each other by our first names right?
Fumi: You’re in Japan by the way…
Serizawa: What’s the problem? Do you hate being called “Fumi” that much?
Fumi: It’s not like I hate it but…
Ichiya: If you call him that way, won’t that start weird rumors?
Fumi: Fu-fujisaki!
Serizawa: Oh, so you guys are “Numero”. Nice to meet you, I’m Serizawa Ryousuke. And you are…
Ichiya: Fujisaki Ichiya. Nice to meet you.
Serizawa: So, Fujisaki-kun. Then? What rumors?
Ichiya: Since the content of the drama is of such, won’t it more troublesome if weird rumors were to surface?
Serizawa: Are you that afraid of things like rumors and image? I think that it would be good if this creates rumors though.
Ichiya: Is that for the drama?
Serizawa: What else?
Ichiya: So you’d do anything to gain fame?!
Gorou: Ichiya, stop is.
Serizawa: Words like that don’t sound convincing unless you’re famous. Ah… I’m sorry, even though this is the first time we’ve met, I’ve gone too far. As fellow members of the same group, I understand that you’re worrying about Fumi. But can’t you trust me? I will protect Fumi.
Mitsuhiko: We trust you, that’s why, please take care of Fu-chan.
Fumi: Mi-chan…
Ichiya: Are you sure we can trust a guy like him?!
Mitsuhiko: Ik-kun! We can’t be together with Fu-chan for the drama right?
Ichiya: That’s… that’s…
Female Staff 1: Eh excuse me for interrupting but can we continue the shoot?
Serizawa: Oh I’m so sorry, seems like I got into the way. Please continue! I’ll observe quietly from a corner then.
Female Staff 1: From a corner? Please take a seat over there while you’re waiting. And if Serizawa-san if fine with that, can we take a few pictures of you with Nikaidou later?
Serizawa: I’m fine, it will probably become a topic for others to talk about.
Cameraman: Okay, thanks for the hard work, both of you! Wait, Nikaidou, stay where you are.
Female Staff 1: Then Serizawa-san, please.
Serizawa: Okay, thank you!
Ichiya:  Che.
Cameraman: Then I’ll start, the first shot! Okay…
Serizawa: Really, it seems like you’re being treasured a lot, Fumi.
Fumi: I’m so sorry that you got such treatment just now.
Serizawa: It’s fine. Besides that, I’m rather envious, you should take good care of your friends.
Fumi: Huh?
Cameraman: Alright, let’s wrap it up with this last shot!
Serizawa: Hm… things will be boring like this so shall we give some fanservice?
Fumi: Service? (Serizawa kisses Fumi) Wha… wha… what did you just do?
Serizawa: What? That was just a greeting! I only kissed your cheek, Fumi you’re so cute!
Fumi: I’ve said it before, you’re in Japan!
Serizawa: Was it alright?
Fumi: What do you mean?
Serizawa: Did your members say anything? Fujisaki-kun… right? Up till the end, he looked so angry. He must really like Fumi a lot.
Fumi: You’re wrong, he doesn’t… You’re definitely wrong.
Serizawa: Wrong about? That Fujisaki-kun likes Fumi? Or is it the opposite?
Fumi: Opposite…? I’m referring to you saying that he likes me. I confessed and got rejected. That’s all!
Serizawa: Rejected?
Fumi: Ah… let’s stop with this topic already!
Serizawa: Well, I’m glad that you’ve fallen in love with a guy before then.
Fumi: What? Are you mocking me?
Serizawa: No no, I’m talking about your role. Fundamentally, it would be impossible for a man to act that role if he can’t even imagine being in love with a male.
Fumi: So Serizawa-san isn’t opposed to love between the same sex?
Serizawa: Me? That will be impossible! You’re so young, I’m sure you think that you have all the time in the world, right?
Fumi: Huh?
Serizawa: That’s so naïve. There’s guarantee that tomorrow will be just like today.
Fumi: Serizawa-san, what are you trying to say?
Serizawa: (Serizawa laughs) I knew it, forget about this. Come to think of it, there’s no point in telling this to the one who confessed.
Ichiya: After the magazine with the photos from that shoot got released, the filming for Fumito’s drama started. Even while we were working together, the conversations between the two of us ceased. In the first place, even if we had the time, it doesn’t seem like we could hold conversations anymore.

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8. The Others Will… (人はそれを)

Shion: Huh? Nikaidou, you pierced your right earlobe too?
Fumi: Well, there is a scene in the drama where I have to get this side pierced. They said it would be fine if we shoot it live but I thought since I’ll be doing it anyway, I got it pierced first.
Mitsuhiko: Fu-chan, even though you really can’t take pain, you are really working hard for the drama! Who helped you with it?
Fumi: That is a secret.
Shion: What’s with this secret?
Fumi: That’s my signature phrase in the drama, along with this action of putting my left index finger to my lips. They wanted to make it a trend.
Shion: To make it a trend… Nikaidou, you seem to having fun.
Mitsuhiko: Then I will also try to use it in various places from now on.
(Ichiya increases the volume of his headphones)
Shion: Ichiya! (Shion takes off Ichiya’s headphones) If you listen to such loud music, your ears will go deaf!
Ichiya: I know that.
Mitsuhiko: Ik-kun, are you alright? Don’t try to keep everything to yourself.
Ichiya: I’m alright, let’s go.
Besides Mitsuhiko, probably the whole group has realised that I’m acting strange. They aren’t that dense and our friendship goes further than just skin deep.
Camerman: Now, laugh! Okay, as though you’re having a lot of fun!
Ichiya: “An idol who can’t smile” that phrase came to my mind and I couldn’t sleep a wink that night. I wanted to become like Shin-san, to dance and sing like him, I wanted to express myself like that. Back then, why did I believe in such impractical dreams like “I’d stand there one day”?
(Flashback)
Fumi: Can we become the best?
Ichiya: If we want to aim, we should aim to be at the top!
Ichiya: Closed blinds. Even though it’s already morning, the atmosphere in the room is dim and gloomy. What happened yesterday and the gossips running through the town…
TV presenter: Next, we’ll get on the topic of the person in the popular drama, actor Serizawa Ryousuke who once made his debut as an idol in Japan before flying off. Back then, Mizuno Yuu who was his partner died 12 years ago right before his debut. About this case, according to a witness… (Ichiya calls someone)
Fumi: Hi, Fujisaki?
Ichiya: Nikaidou, TV!
Fumi: Yea I saw it, I’ll contact you again later, right now it’s a little…
Ichiya: Are you going to his place?
Fumi: I have to go.
Ichiya: Don’t go!
Fumi: Fujisaki, I know that you don’t like Ryousuke but now isn’t the time to be saying this!
Ichiya: It’s not about that, if you go…
Fumi: In any case, I’ll be hanging up!
Ichiya: There’s no reason for you to go, right?!
Fumi: There is! I’m currently Ryousuke’s lover! (Fumi hangs up)
Serizawa: I thought you might come… Fumi, what about work?
Fumi: Even if I had work I’d still come, I’m Ryousuke’s lover.
Serizawa: Hm? Seems like I’m really loved, but I won’t become your real lover, Fumi.
Fumi: Something like that, I knew that already. Ryousuke, you loved that person right?
Serizawa: Well, it’s a bit different. I didn’t “loved” him, I still do. I still love him, right now.
Fumi: Ryousuke…
Serizawa: It’s on this date.
Fumi: Huh?
Serizawa: He died on this date, he was the same age as Fumi. We were really close, we met when we were first years at middle school and became like brothers. You often hear about having bad feelings before an accident happens right? There wasn’t anything like that at all, for me. That day was a sunny day with great weather. After we graduated from middle school, I was confessed to by Yuu, but I didn’t answer him right away. We were both guys and it was more than 10 years ago. Do you know? Something like that has never occurred to me back then.
Fumi: Then? Did things get awkward after that?
Serizawa: That didn’t happen at all. It’s was unsettlingly normal, nothing changed at all. But Yuu was probably holding it all in, after he forced himself to laugh, he would always bite on his lips.
Fumi: Huh?
Serizawa: Just like Fumi. I got wind of the accident and went to the hospital. Even after seeing Yuu lying on the hospital bed, all torn and battled, I still couldn’t believe it. Although he couldn’t see anything anymore, he turned towards me and started moving his lips. When I leaned in to ask “what”, guess what he said… “ I knew it, I still love you”.
Fumi: “I knew it, I love you”? Did Ryousuke tell him that you love him too?
Serizawa:  No.
Fumi: Huh? Why? You just said that you still love him now…
Serizawa: I wasn’t conscious of that then. After Yuu passed away, I ran away from Japan. 2 years later, when I’ve gotten used to the life there, I looked up at the sky and realised that I have never been in love with anyone.
Fumi: Not even once? In those 2 years?
Serizawa: Not to mention that 2 years, ever since I met Yuu… (Serizawa laughs) There were discrimination against gays over there, but it was way more open than here in Japan. I asked my gay friends whether it was scary.
Fumi: Then? What did they reply?
Serizawa: “But, I love him” (Serizawa replies in English)
Fumi: But, I love him…
Serizawa: That was when I realised that I’ve always been in love with Yuu. I cried for the entire night, but Yuu was no longer anywhere to found in this world. I regretted not telling Yuu that “I love you too”, even though he said it twice to me.
Fumi: He didn’t kiss me on my lips, even though I know that I’m just a replacement, that was fine. If it’s for Ryousuke, who has been my guidepost, lending him my body… That’s why nothing happened, we were both yearning for different partners. There was no passion in it; it was sex where we tried to lick each other’s wounds.
Serizawa: Are you alright?
Fumi: I’m fine.
Serizawa: Thank you so much.
Fumi: I’m glad, if you get really lonely, I can accompany you at night. While we’re still “lovers”.
Serizawa: Then, when Fumi is down, I will do the same too.
Fumi:
Did he realise it? That I was using him as a substitute as well.
Serizawa: We’re the same, Fumi.
Ichiya: (Ichiya dials a number) I touched my ice-cold phone with my fingers and called up my previous flings. Once you remove your restraints, it becomes something that’s easier than rolling down a hill. I didn’t stop the woman who wanted to leave when it was over and stayed over at the hotel alone. If I do it when I feel like doing it, I can fall asleep from the tiredness.
Nagisa: When we’ve finally settled Shin, this time it’s Ichiya? What were you trying to do?
Ichiya: In front of the members, numerous photos were spread out on the table. I was seen going into hotels and on every photo, it was with a different woman.
Nagisa: I don’t remember forbidding you from falling in love, but this isn’t so! So, you aren’t going to make excuses, do you want to quit?
Gorou: Ichiya, you decide for yourself. Make it clear whether you want to quit or continue.
Fumi: What are you saying, Gorou! There’s no way Fujisaki is going to quit!
Mitsuhiko: Fu-chan, calm down.
Gorou: This isn’t a friendly place where you can decide to continue working in just because someone is forcing you to. Something like that, you should understand it!
Shion: It seems like Nikaidou is the only one who wants Ichiya to stay, shouldn’t the two of you talk this over? (The rest of the group leaves)
Fumi: You aren’t thinking of giving this up, are you Fujisaki?
Ichiya: If I quit, it will end without me giving you guys more trouble right.
Fumi: Trouble… in the first place, it’s my fault for not thinking about the implications of acting in the drama, it increased your burden… Something like this…
Ichiya: I won’t quit.
Fumi: Then in that case, you won’t do this anymore right?
Ichiya: I have no intentions of quitting that either. Well, I’ll be more careful from now on.
Fumi: What?! More careful… that’s not the problem! Why? Why are you doing this?!
Ichiya: “Why”? Of course it’s because I want to, there’s no reason besides that. Besides, aren’t you the same?
Fumi: Huh?
Ichiya: You’re doing it with Serizawa right?
Fumi: T-that’s… different from… Isn’t this too cruel for the other party? All of them like Fujisaki right?
Ichiya: Anyway, I won’t quit Numero. I’ll do my work properly too, I’ll go home too. I’ll make sure people don’t find out about this the next time.
Fumi: Fujisaki…
Ichiya: Nikaidou, good luck with your drama. (Ichiya walks away)
Fumi: Wait Fujisaki, then nothing has changed! If something like that gets photographed again, it will really be over! Didn’t we promise to aim for the top together?! (Fumi walks to Ichiya and grabs him) Fujisaki!
Ichiya: Then! Then, will you be my partner?
Fumi: Wha… that was a joke? If I become your partner, will you really stop doing this?
Ichiya: Upon hearing Fumi’s words and seeing his expression, I took a sharp intake of breath.
Are you serious?
Fumi: I’m asking if you would stop all that.
Ichiya: I’ll stop it.
Fumi: I get it.

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